Wednesday, June 29, 2011

What a Spectacle!!! ..... 3WW


Written for 3WW... Transfixed, Bump,  Knuckles


WHAT A SPECTACLE....


A miniature Moon
Peeped out of the clouds
Moonbeam hit her face
She smiled as her fingers
Nudged a strand of hair
Falling on her face
He stood watching
Transfixed,
What a spectacle
Without winking his eye
He walked towards her
Didn’t notice a bump
Ahead of him
Fell on his knuckles, Ouch!
She gazed at him
Turned her face
And moved away hurriedly....
End of scene one
I don’t know
Will it still be interesting
If we replace ‘He’ with ‘She’
And ‘She’ with ‘He’
Hey, what do you say, tell me....



By : RS   : )


 

20 comments:

  1. I'm not sure. I tried reading it both ways but I think I like the woman being the one to turn away. Makes her stronger. Cool way of engaging the reader!

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  2. Like Linda I think it's perfect as it is..I guess love works two ways..the way she plays with her hair is quite feminine wile..Jae :)

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  3. This is a very engaging read. I truly enjoyed it. My 3WW: http://verseinanutshell.wordpress.com/2011/06/29/next/

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  4. Reads better this way, Rameshji.. :) But an interesting experiment you've done! :D

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  5. I like the manner in which you've captured the essence of what is an infinitely embarrassing moment for most. Well written... and I prefer the choice you presented.

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  6. I like the way it could be read either way. It makes me wonder if the responses would be the same, either way.

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  7. what a story.

    thought provoking.

    join us today.

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  8. interesting Rameshji, "he to she and she to he" interesting.. Here is my Rally Post, ? will my life be colourful ?

    Someone is Special

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  9. Exchanging the two, the he and the she makes the story very different somehow. An extremely interesting mental experiment and - of course - a very nice piece of poetry!

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  10. It will be more interesting... but I somehow like it this way better.... the traditional way :)... And the words really created spontaneous visuals... I could imagine even a white dress for the miniature moon, and one or two golden streaks in the strand in her fingers.. and a grey blue sky, with silver lined clouds... and he in black... ha ha ... guess I am taking it too far... .. I loved it

    Beautiful scenery as always with a lot of possibilities of a blooming relation or a beautiful memory :)

    Regards

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  11. Perfect the way it is. Men are more often transfixed by beauty than women in my opinion! I think its perfect and I love the way you "created" it!

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  12. Very nice poem, and it is best left the way you wrote it, because it is more likely to reflect the truth. The other way round, and the man would have rushed to the woman's aid, even if she was old or unattractive.

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  13. insightful words..

    awesome poetry.

    Happy Rally.

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  14. I wonder if the question is not in jest? A fine poem in any case!

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  15. wow... such a nice story through simple yet beautiful words... i simply loved it. :) :)

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  16. Cool! Love the style here. I don't mind the woman making an ass of herself. Actually, I'm always tripping and bumping into things (sober!) and I'm the Queen of putting my foot in it!

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  17. Lovely!.. I love the scene as if without changing !!.. Thanks for sharing..

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  18. I like it as is but truth be known like Lena I am always falling over lol Awesome poem!

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  19. I like it this way! but love the idea of experimenting:)

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